I havent really been blogging since my birthday. Anyway to sum it up, I had a great one :) With my friends, going for dinners to meet up, uss with some, the presents and cards. Thank you all so much :). Well I am having my intern right now and tmr will be the last day because it is a four day intern. I have received alot of favour and grace from God. I was actually rejected by them to do cement but in the end I ended back in because of the lack of students for clay area. Then my group managed to get alot of help from the instructor I didn't really liked at first and we finished on time and was first! We also did a great job today and had fun bonding with each other and just laughing our days off. I like to keep my day occupied. And no more gossip girls for me. Only managed to find season 1 and 5. Can't wait for 6. Blaire waldorf and chuck bass's relationship is just so difficult! :| So after finishing the episodes these days, I am gonna sleep early tonight. Well, going back to secondary schools was kind of what I always wanted from the beginning. When you left and was sort of like, still there, I wanted to keep having your presence with me and selfishly torture myself with this love I never had. Selfish because I am not loving myself as much as the people and God has. I was at the sink today and the watch just occurred to me and just some of the times together. For you, as friends. For me, was just fun and laughter. I guess that's all the little things that keeps pinching you like red ant bites. Each day I would think about how you are no longer you anymore. Everything just doesn't make sense sometimes but feelings are not gonna make sense. You treating me like a stranger won't too. Your mere presence feels like a condemnation I can never hide away from. Can't do this, can't do that. You would open your mouth with words that hurt me as much as me cutting myself. You would lift me up sometimes like nobody ever can, not even godiva. I don't understand them at all. And when I left everything for God I know I was doing the right thing. Yet I shouldn't help you at all. Cos you will still reject them. I don't know why I am talking about these things but I just feel so upset about how things have gone all wrong. It's a closed door. I don't hurt anymore. I just feel like, everything I wanted and did, everything I have expected and had all don't make sense. We are not lovers, not friends, not strangers, not just friends, not familiar with each other anymore so what the hell was that. Anyway everything has ended and getting brought back to an environment such as this makes me start wondering all over again. It's what I wanted to keep anyway. This you, till I leave here. Everything just gets uglier and uglier when I know you more. As in the one you have become. I remember how I would accept you for whatever that is and just love you so unconditionally. But nah, I am through with that and I want to thank you so much because such things will never exist between humans. In the end you still managed to kick me out of your circle.
Why do I sound like I hate you so much. I actually don't. Just all that remembering is getting pretty heavy. And it's playing "need you now".
Well shall get going. Anyway it was really lucky to know you. It was great. Every moment. Just that luck don't belong in my life. I never do believe in that word.